Christen Reighter | I don’t want children — stop telling me I’ll change my mind

My Apologies For My Absence

There is a myriad of reasons as to why I have been unable to post. The most recent phenomenon is the lack of a computer; my laptop kept crashing after only being on for 5 minutes. I am currently using my newly bought Samsung Chromebook while my lovely significant other is building me a PC; we only need one more piece to complete it.

There’s also work; call centers are exhausting. And there’s school; I am taking Stratford Career Institute’s Video Game Design course. I am on the final module, contemplating what I will take next. In addition, I have been working more on my art.

I was recently invited to join Graphicker, which I just built my profile for today. I also recently joined ArtStation and I have been a member of DeviantArt for 4 years, but I just now put my artwork up for sale. I am contemplating starting a Patreon account, but I need to do more research as to what it is.

The point I am trying to make is, despite the distractions, I am back. After I regain access to my files on my laptop, I intend to post photos of my art. In case you’re interested.

20150408- I wrote a new poem!

20150408 [22:01] Wednesday

Black and white;
Day and night;
Wrongly that is all in sight.

Day and night;
Dark and light;
That is not it; that is not right.

There are grey areas in between
That for many remain to be seen.

There is dusk and there is dawn;
They are both nature’s pawns.

Not everything is black and white,
Nor is everything bathed in light.

Thanks to objects blocking light’s might,
Shadows are always there before the light.

Light is not the fastest thing out there,
For darkness is always waiting for light to get there.

Light is good; dark is evil.
“You are dark, you work for the devil!”
Light is judgmental and must lose the shovel.

Too much light can cause a burn.
Light at night makes us toss and turn.
When are we ever going to learn?

There are grey areas in between
That for many remain to be seen.

Not everything is night and day,
Good and evil is not the only way.

“Evil” is not the only way to be;
Nor is “good” the only way to see.

There is dawn and there is dusk;
Remembering this is a must.

Not everything is black and white;
Not everything is in plain sight.

I have been thinking about that poem for a while. I missed some lines, though. It will probably be rewritten a few times. I got a LOT of my best lines at work. Problem with that is I can’t just drop what I’m doing to go write it down.

The dark does not have to consume thee;
You can be the dawn if you choose to be.

That, those, were the lines that inspired to poem. In the Fan-Fiction, that I need to figure out how to start, Snow says that to Rumple. Or, she will once I get the story from point A to point B. I have over two centuries to cover! Won’t be hard to think of, but it is difficult to get them onto the paper, apparently.

20150215, 0216, 0217- Laptop is fried.

20150215 [11:52] Sunday

Laptop’s fucked up. Battery is dead so when the power went out, I don’t know; five times? Fucked up my laptop. Now all I have left is my phone and my NOOK Tablet and whatever information I have on my flash drive(s).

[12:03]

Laptop is fried. Nothing can be done. I hope that doesn’t mean I’ve lost EVERYTHING! I need a new computer, that’s for sure.

20150216 [18:42] Monday

I am still laptop less, but that’s what the library is for. That’ll be a lot of blogging for 15 minutes worth of library time. Ugh. And potentially typing up a fanfic I will eventually start. Eventually. I know the middle and seeing as how Once Upon A Time hasn’t ended, there won’t be an end any time soon. I just need to start the damn thing.

Oh! Regina! Got it. YAY!

Watching Straight A’s. Love the movie! Haven’t seen it in a while. I remember it enough to know when to start skipping stupid parts. Well… not stupid. Its all character development, but there are parts of peoples’ characters I don’t like. Chick who played Sookie, or whatever, in True Blood is in this movie. I wonder why they decided to call it “True Blood” anyway. It’s based off a book series. 7 books in the series. I wonder how closely the TV series followed the books? I wouldn’t know. I’ve only finished one book and only seen one episode of True Blood and it was late in the series. I don’t even know what Season it was. And I started a different episode, didn’t finish it. It was… interesting. Can’t remember who was who; I just know who Sookie (stupidest name in the world) and Bill are. Well. In terms of the book, I like Bill more than I like Sookie, which is interesting considering the fact the entire book is in first person and in Sookie’s point of view. Still a good character, though. I just like her vampire boyfriend better. But, you know what? I love this series a HELL of a lot better than the Twilight series. I read one of the books and felt my IQ drop 10 points.

Does Twilight have potential? Eh. If the relationship and character development of Bella and Edward were better. Jacob is FANTASTIC, but I have a problem with how the creatures of the night are developed. The werewolf… thing where they bind with someone…? …Yeah. I don’t get it. If Jacob loves Bella, why I don’t know, then that should be it. And why people seem to like Bella’s blandness I have absolutely no idea. She seems to always need saving, while Sookie has not only saved herself, she has saved Bill. A couple times, if my memory serves me right.

On a more random note, I’m going to need a new bookmark for my journal because the damn ribbon that was built into it just fell out. Or I could just remember to put it back into the book when I’m done. I could do that, too.

Oh, my friend Sara is going to school for computer repair. She thinks she can help my POS that got fried. Lost my damn music again.19:28- JEOPARDY!

[20:32]

I GOT THE FINAL JEOPARDY! No one else did! It was Medea! “To plot”! I knew it the second I heard/read it! If the third woman hadn’t bet a thing, she would have won. Hell, I could have won that one.

20150217 [21:23] Tuesday

Played Inquisition all day after a very interesting moring at work. I ended up leaving an hour and a half later because I was helping to do other things BEFORE actually doing my job. I walked into the back and SOMETHING happened because there were dishes EVERYWHERE! Power must have gone out or something. Or they lost all their hot water? I think Corner Bakery closed early, too. Oh well. An extra hour and a half of pay; 13.5 dollars if I’ve done my math right. Too tired after my benedryl to care about double checking.

I missed the Fan Appreciation Contest. Guess I’ll just have to wait for the next one; hopefully, there will be a next one. I’ll just have to celebrate the DA series by myself…

Speaking of which, I did a couple things differently with my mage playthrough. Romancing Cullen instead of Solas, which has been pretty cute so far. I’m purposely not using Cullen for certain missions. In my rogue playthrough, it was the Inquisiton’s Forces that everybody was fearing/respecting at the epilogue. I’m gonna try for Connections this time. I don’t know how I would feel about Secret reigning supreme. But with one mission, Dorian’s actually, I’m going to send Leliana to get the book. Had Cullen do it last time. Leliana’s looking for The Hero of Ferelden at the moment. She’ll be done a little bit after noon. I wonder if I’ll have another long day again tomorrow…

I CAN’T WAIT to work at Don’s Wood-Fired Pizza! The owners are so damn nice! I stopped by and asked them about progress and they said they were still interested in me, just needed to get through my only reference when things weren’t so busy.

My hand’s starting to hurt… my head, too.

Goodnight.

Oh, by the way…

I noticed after my first post today that it has been exactly one month since I posted to Become Empowered. I apologize.

During that one month of absence, I have been working and typing up and posting my journal entries to another site called

GET TO KNOW TITANS MONRIA!

For those who are curious, click the link above! 😀

20150101

DAMMIT!

I tried recording a video of my reading allowed Edgar Allen Poe’s poem “IMITATION” to post to YouTube, as planned, and the sound kept breaking up. I have a headset and everything! And I was EXCITED! The headset is brand new and hardly used, so I HIGHLY doubt that could be it.

Frick.

Any thoughts? Suggestions? Advice… this is underwhelming…

Well, my day wasn’t all bad. I went for a couple walks and, in so doing so, realized that I wasn’t able to make videos before because I was sitting down. As I was walking I was FLOWING with ideas of what I could do in the videos! The plan I had was to either A) read stuff aloud so that I could be doing two things at once or B) walk and talk. Then the sounds stops working… I don’t know what I’m hoping for. A messed up headset or a messed up computer. This is upsetting…

Since I couldn’t read it aloud for you all, I’ll post the poem here. The plan was to learn with you. I had never read “IMITATION” so I decided to share that first. Looks like I get to put videos on the back burner… again… fuck…

IMITATION

A dark unfathom’d tide
Of interminable pride-
A mystery, and a dream,
Should my early life seem;
I say that dream was fraught
With a wild, and waking thought
Of beings that have been,
Which my spirit hath not seen.
Had I let them pass me by,
With a dreaming eye!
Let none of earth inherit
That vision of my spirit;
Those thoughts I would control,
As a spell upon his soul:
For that bridge hope at last
And that light time have past,
And my worldly rest hath gone
With a sigh as it pass’d on:
I care not tho’ it perish
With a thought I then did cherish.

[1827]

What did you guys think? I didn’t really get what Poe was talking about, to be honest, but I liked his use of language.

Until I can get a techy friend to help me out, I’ll have to stick with just posting. And sharing other peoples’ videos. God dammit…

Pardon the cussing, if you care.

19:46

I realize I never made a New Year’s Resolution to write in my journal every day, unless I forgot, but I think it is a good time to start. I have forgotten most of 2014, how about I don’t forget 2015.

I realize while walking back from the library today that I have my best ideas when I am walking. I am just FLOWING with them. Which was what I planned on doing for my videos that I planned to post to YouTube. Problem. Scratchy sound. If it’s not one thing, it is another.

It was too cold today for any extensive walking, so the only trips I took were to the store and the library. I spent most of the day on Netflix watching NUMB3RS. I switched to The Finder about 5 minutes ago. I am multi-tasking between watching that and The Sims Free Play on my phone. Or, I would be if my phone would cooperate. Got to Lvl 42! At 44 I can get another Sim.

20:30

I haven’t been able to play DA: Inquisition since PSN got hacked. I found out today it might just be a glitch in the game, but I’m open to the hack being a disruption. I’m hoping the game glitched, oddly enough.

I spent most of the day looking through FB for inspirational quotes. I made one Bitstrips comic today. I think. Took a benedryl. At nine I will turn off all the lights. I should be ready to sleep by ten.

21:00

Goodbye lights.

Let’s end this post on a positive note, shall we?

 

20141231

18:18

Unfortunately, writing in a journal isn’t more of a habit. I should be FILLED with things to say about the year. (21:13) I don’t. I’m not. I mean, I could probably try, but I don’t remember a good portion of the year 2014. Which is probably why every time I go to the movies I keep the movie ticket. And ALL my receipts for anything. I eventually throw the paper ones away, but I still have all my online receipts. Every single one. I think. Most likely. Wouldn’t surprise me.

I keep stalling on tasks I really want to complete. My journal entries, for example. But I also love to sing and add to my YouTube Channel beyond other peoples’ videos. I want to add to the world and spread a positive message, but I can’t seem to pick up the headset and get myself going. (21:20) Do I feel like I have been unproductive? Surprisingly not. I have been reading You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! and learning more about ADHD. Still haven’t gotten a proper diagnosis, but I am on page 137 and… yeah. I have it. I’m not fearful of my diagnosis. I’m just more interested in simply learning more about it.

That will be part of my New Year’s Resolutions. Tomorrow, I will make a video and post it to my channel.

Wish me luck!

20141207

08:16

It’s my cousin’s birthday! Just posted to her FB profile. 23. I think. In a year, unless her having a child got her out of it, she will be independent from her parents. 24.

Wow. It’s been almost four months since I wrote anything in here. Last time I did, I was happy about something. The pattern continues. Hope it is continuous.

On my cousin’s birthday, I am booted out of the house so my dad’s significant other can wrap Christmas presents in peace. That’s the negative way to go put it. Getting up early in the morning doesn’t put me in the most positive moods.

OH!

Dragon Age: Inquisition puts me in a FANTASTIC mood! I might be addicted and suffering withdrawals. It is possible. The character development is FANTASTIC! I wish Solas was a REAL person or I could find someone with his personality. That would be nice. Love his voice. I read the credits for the game last night and forgot who is voice actor is. Steven Valentine does Alistair’s voice. I think that’s his first name…

I wonder if Alistair will ever find out Fiona is his mother. She, they, never wanted him to know, but with everything that has happened, been happening, it might be a good idea. Maybe… after Redcliffe, maybe not.

I can’t WAIT to get home so I can get back to the War Room. We need to find the Seekers. And I finally found out how to romance Cassandra. I tried playing as a Qunari and hated how it felt, so I deleted it. Leaving me room for a human male to slide in and romance Cassandra. 😛 Dorian was easy. He’s fun to flirt with, though. Funny how I understand flirting in a videogame, but I draw a blank in reality. Or am I a really good flirt and don’t realize it. Both, perhaps? Don’t care. Life is life.

I like Empress Celene, don’t like her voice.

Cullen has DRASTICALLY improved. I was not a huge fan of his in Origins and not so much in the beginning of DA: 2, but towards the end he became likeable. Love him in Inquisition (08:52). One of my characters is romancing him. One of my other characters got to watch him struggle with his lyrium addiction. That was painful to watch! They did a FANTASTIC job with the character development! I could SEE how much pain he was in! I felt horrible! If that’s how handling an addiction is in reality, the developers and designers did their research. Good job, fellas!

And I think I will ALWAYS save Empress Celene. I wouldn’t let my worst enemy die if I knew I could prevent it. Unless it’s Corypheus. I’ll eat popcorn and watch. Or join in. Kill him myself. Beat the shit out of him.

Loghain got a haircut! Looks good! And the fact I can customize Hawke is pretty cool. Why is the default a white chick? That’s irritating. At least, in this game, making another ethnicity is easier. Hard to make them look like me or get my eye color, but I’ve gotten close. I made a dude just to go after Dorian. I fucked up with Solas on my first character, so I switched to Cullen. My next character went after Dorian. My this is, I think, succeeding with Solas. He called me “My heart” one time, so I’m going to say yes. And we danced at the Winter Palace. That was cool. 😀 Was waiting for that. I deleted my fourth character, the Qunari. Didn’t feel right. I feel GREAT playing as an elf! Being the human mage was interesting. Dorian’s love. Now I need to make a rogue human to go after Cassandra. Or Josephine. I hear you have to duel for her love. Must be some noble thing. I wonder if I have to BE a noble. Will my human rogue be a noble descendant like my human mage was? That’ll be interesting. My first Dalish elf lost her clan. I remedied that with my next character.

And, I must say, each time I restart, the game just keeps getting easier! In an area where they recommended my character to between the levels of 4-7, I was level 8 with my Dalish Elf Monria! Rogue. My first character is Ellana, my second Gorin. My fourth, the deleted Qunari, Tal-Vashoth, was Henah, I believe. It makes sense that she would be Tal-Vashoth. The Qunari don’t have names of their own. I also like how you can be an elf amongst the Qunari. They wast nothing. The Iron Bull told me, that and the graphic novels I read about Alistair looking for his father. I also now know who Bianca was because of those books. They assume that Alistair became king, but its still a good story. I read a negative review, but it didn’t sway me. Great character development, as always. I wonder what would happen if the writers of Frozen and Dragon Age decided to create something? They both did a great job with their stories! They both won awards! Frozen won a couple Oscars while Inquisition won Best RPG of the year! Only people in the DA community would know that, though. Kinda depressing. People who don’t play videogames look at us like we’re losers, but I disregard them. They don’t know what they’re talking about, so their word has no merit. Taking the games away will just make matters worse. Telling a gamer to stop playing videogames is like telling a girl to stop wearing make-up, you just don’t do it. It’s part of who they are. Taking it away would cause them to die slowly.

Why does it matter? Controlling behavior doesn’t get anyone anywhere. At least not for a while. They would fight back eventually. History proves that. Even if those who fought back lost, they still sent a clear message that they would not be controlled.

Anyone who tells me to stop playing videogames will be dropped. I don’t intend to let someone control me. Not after my first relationship where I had to deal with subtle control and rumors. I might’ve had a second relationship, but he stabbed in the back. I forgive him, but I can never trust him. Fool me once, shame on them. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I’m glad Morrigan‘s back in Inquisition. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until I heard her voice again. And watching her interact with her son Kieran was… wow. She’s changed so much but at the same time not. She still has her strength, confidence and attitude, but it has been curbed. I like the change, but I think I’ll miss her stabbing ability. Just like Vivienne, “she wastes no words,” as Cassandra would put it. Did put it. If a leadership position ever did open up for me, I would be good at it. Watching and interacting in the game has shown me that. I got high approval at the Winter Palace, despite the fact I was an elf. 97 out of 100. If I was a human, had been a human, I wonder if it would have been 100? I was happy with my 97, though. I worked HARD to get there. And gathering those scandalous secrets was amusing. I didn’t like being there while I was playing. I didn’t realize I enjoyed the Game until I left. I see why Solas enjoyed it. And Leliana and Josephine. I also see why Cullen hated it. People were “pinning” for him, as Leliana put it. It was HILARIOUS! I wanna do that again! (10:00)

I’ll be able to with my mage characters. Its funny, I feel safer as a mage, but I feel more alive, overjoyed as a rogue character. I haven’t played as a warrior, yet, but I don’t see myself doing so. Stealth is MOST useful! And I LOVE sneaking up on my enemies and dealing that extra damage. *sigh*

I wish Sera was better educated. I see a LOT of myself in her, which is why I keep her around, but I need the subtitles in order to understand what she’s saying. At first, anyway. I got her, for the most part, with my third character. Didn’t get to her with the Qunari. Didn’t feel right continuing to use her. Loved her voice, though. Sera, funny sometimes, but I can’t really take her seriously. I agree with her views, helping the “little” people, but boy do I wish she was more dignified and had a better sense of propriety. Like Solas. He doesn’t really enjoy people all the time, but, I must say, he carries himself quite well. He could be a courtier if he wasn’t a mage and an elf. He quite enjoyed being at the Winter Palace, after all. Blackwall didn’t. Cassandra didn’t either. I found that amusing. Cassandra didn’t like the ball, but she was surrounded by people. Blackwall kept himself secluded. Very amusing. Solas enjoying himself I found surprising, but delightful. With everyone else hating it, his positivity kept me amused. I wonder how Dorian would fit in? Him being from Tevinter probably wouldn’t go over well. I wonder if people would try to dissuade me from taking him? (10:14) Probably, but wherever I go, my man goes. Now I can’t WAIT to go to the Winter Palace again! That will probably be my goal as I play through my next characters. That was fun! I wish I knew where all the halla statuettes were. I’m tempted to get myself the Inquisition game guide for Christmas, but I don’t see that happening. I’ll probably have to pay a bit of my NWFCU student loans so as to not be penalized for being late. Again. Apparently, my credit being dinged is a bad thing, but I’m not seeing the importance. Never did.

I am NOT destined to pay bills and die. To stay black and die, certainly, but not be leashed. I can’t WAIT until I turn 24. Full Sail here I come! Maybe I can be part of the next Dragon Age game! Or the next Disney movie! Whatever I do, I do NOT want to be tied down for the rest of my life. Being a consultant would be nice. The thought of just being in one place is NOT my idea of a happy thought.

Yet I could be in the Hinterlands or wander around Skyhold for quite some time just looking at the landscape. Very well done. Beautiful game, beautiful and engaging story. The characters are beautifully developed. LOVE IT! Inquisition deserved all the praise and awards. I just wish I didn’t have to gather materials to gain the Specializations. Whose “bright idea” was that? Not. Happy. That’s my only complaint, though. So far. For right now. If there are any more, I’ll be surprised. Thanks for that Qunari addition, but I will not be playing as one. Felt off. Haven’t been a dwarf yet. That needs to be remedied. Scout Harding appears to be romanceable. They have the ❤ option there, so it’s worth pursuing. Great personality, from what I’ve seen. Looks have, almost, nothing to do with it. Shoulders up matter. If I can’t stand looking at them or listening to them as they speak, it will not work. Eyes are the most important. And voice. They, unfortunately, trump personality. (10:35) Unless they are badass, in which case, eh. Haven’t come across that yet. Don’t expect to. At least, not in my generation. I see myself with someone much older than myself. Or a single, foster mom once I get myself situated. A bunch of kids and a bunch of dogs. Young ones and pitbulls. Maybe a few teenagers and a husky. I prefer the company of kids and animals to people my own age. Must be the ADHD. I haven’t been officially tested, but the online tests I did take point to it. Probably why I am so fixated on Dragon Age.

Oh. Time to go. (10:44)